An Expression of Expression

Let me start by saying: I had an excellent weekend full of friends, family and partying. I laughed and hugged a lot. I am, as always, so utterly grateful for all the amazing people and experiences in my life. Sometimes I can't get enough of them. 

That being said, lately I've been feeling kind of down. Mentally, physically, emotionally down. Low. Grumpy. Sour. Meh. Not myself. The first half of summer was practically riveting. (Okay, so it wasn't as great as it usually is, but so what? It was still just as exciting and big as ever...) And then August came along and I kind of just fell in a trap of sour moods and party hangovers. And I haven't even been partying that much!

I'm usually a valiant optimist with a stupendous skill at ignoring the negative. And it's not like I'm even paying any attention to the negative, really. I'm actually rather happy. However, due to party-hangovers, future worries, hormones, and a few other bumps and bruises, lately I've just felt like a rock sitting at the bottom of a watery ditch. 

I'm a little lost, to be honest. And I should probably be used to the highs and lows of the months and the random outbursts of exquisite joy and the bitter taste of random fears and tears. And yet, I'm not. 

I'm a teenager, for heaven sake! We are blessed with the ability to feel more than one emotion at one time. Hundreds, probably. And I don't think it's just teenagers. I think it's humans in general. We possess a keen tendency to feel hundreds, maybe even thousands, of emotions and thoughts at once, and it comes out in bursts and pops like fireworks. It's a beautiful thing, but it's also kind of shitty because it gets in the way of this life thing that we have to put up with daily. 

And YES, I'm complaining/ranting a little bit, but THAT'S OKAY. It is perfectly fine to complain about silly little things. People shouldn't have to feel guilty for venting because it is a natural human ability. Just like crying, ranting and venting can help us regain some equanimity in a world where everything is so off-balance. We do it, not for the attention, but for the relief of a sour stream that's been dammed off for far too long inside of us. (Stole that metaphor from one of my best friends. Kuddos to her. She's the best at coming up with phrases.

And yeah, someone out there in the big bad world has it worse than you, but under no circumstance does that mean you aren't allowed to feel what you feel. Every emotion or problem, big or small, is important and should be recognized and expressed. Whether that be through speech, visual arts, writing, singing, etc. Find your outlet and use it all you want because it is your right as a human being to feel and express.

Anyway, I'm hoping to get out of this low as soon as possible so I can go back to writing and drawing and partying to my heart's content. Big things are coming up, after all. And after that, even bigger things...


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