Showing posts from June, 2014

Midnight Murmurs

Isn't it intriguing how everybody looks so vulnerable when they sleep? They could be the toughest or craziest bastard on the planet but you wouldn't know it if you saw them peacefully passed out on a downy mattress. I mean, maybe with some people you could figure it out by the way they toss or turn or if they snore or mumble restlessly in their sleep. But I mean when you think about it, we're really not all that different, are we? Generally, we like to curl up. We like to spread out, too. Maybe we like the spacious privilege of sleeping alone. Maybe we like snuggling up against someone, even on hot nights. Either way, we sleep. We sleep, we breathe, we eat. Right? It's times like these when I wonder why the bloody hell we can't just have world peace.
 And then I remember that it's 12:30 am and I'm tired and thinking about philosophy like it's my drug.


there was a girl. she spent her life in a cage, a box, small and worn and bent out of shape in every possible way.

And one day the girl had an itch, an itch she couldn't resist and she scratched it hard till it singed her skin

And the scratch turned 
to a thin gash down her back And she tore off her shirt and found she had something the others did not:

A pair of wings, big and strong and fit for the wind  in every possible way.

A Reflection

Today was the last day of my Junior Year of High School (I don't know if that's supposed to be capitalized, but I find it's important enough to be)...

I have friends a year older than me and in the grade below me. I also bear an irrational fear of the future. 
It turned out to be quite an emotional day.

There was joy, there was excitement, there was nostalgia... pain, bliss, awkward rapture, and a certain bittersweet feeling I have trouble putting my finger on. There were also lots of hugs. I hugged my closest friends, I hugged my newest friends. I hugged people I barely talked to all year but felt compelled to embrace all the same. I love hugging.

To be honest, I think my favorite part of the day was towards the end. Because as we got closer and closer to the end of the day, you could feel the excitement, the glee, the perpetual school girl tears and words of goodbye. But it's not "goodbye". It's never "goodbye". It's "see you later",…


So, I have this problem of doubting myself.

Not necessarily in everything I do, because some stuff I'm really sure of. It's more doubting my own emotions. Because they're so confusing and constantly changing (thanks, hormones), I tend to confuse myself repetitively.

This makes it increasingly harder to make decisions in my life. Big ones. Little ones. Important ones. It doesn't matter. If I over think, I doubt, and it's terribly unfortunate.

I'd like to come up with an antidote for this kind of doubting, though. I'd also love it if there was an antidote for anxiety, which is kind of related to my doubts.

It's all very annoying, really. Sometimes I can't see correctly because of it (mostly figuratively, of course).

Consciously, I've made decisions I am quite proud of and I've made decisions I hate myself for. Most of the ones lately have been good, but I've come to a point in my life where I don't want to decide anything at all. I almost w…