Sleepy Ramblings Regarding Strange Habits of Mine
I had this realization recently that I've been walking through life on my tiptoes. Literally and figuratively. I thought it was only something I did when I was little, something that disappeared when I got older. But that didn't seem to be the case. Along with using an incredibly passive voice quite frequently (ha ha), I continued tip-toeing around the house and it completely escaped my notice until my mom pointed it out to me.
Then it began bothering me.
I began noticing other strange habits of mine... For instance: biting my lips till they're rather raw, bouncing my feet while sitting, chewing my nails in my sleep (though that usually only happens when I'm super stressed)... There's probably more.
And they annoy me to no avail.
I made a plan recently (or perhaps a feeble attempt) to stop some/all of these ridiculous habits. Especially the tip toe thing. I'm going to start walking heel-toe again.
And then I thought: you know what? I need to start walking heel-toe in my life as well. I've been too timid and hesitant with everything I do and I think it's about time I start walking like a normal person, or at least, a bit more confidently.
I think my habits kind of string together. Most of them are from my anxiety and my stress, which is probably one of my biggest flaws and my least favorite personal trait... And then tip-toeing was my way of avoiding tough situations that caused such stress. When I tip-toe, I'm lighter on my feet and thus quicker to remove myself from the pain and humiliation that I always assume is going to occur.
(Which is ironic, because I am a klutz, so where the hell did I get the idea that walking on my tiptoes would help any situation?)
I'm going to start challenging myself though, and pick my feet up off the ground and walk heel-toe, not because it's "normal", but because I think I need to. Otherwise, I'll be dancing on my tippy toes for ages, always one foot in and one foot out of a situation.
Maybe it's time for a change. A slight one, but a change nonetheless. (Stars, I hate that word..."Change"... it even sounds ominous. Like the medicine nobody wants to take.)
Maybe then I won't always be so head over heels about everything. Maybe then my feet will finally start to warm up.
Okay, I'll stop with the cliche foot metaphors now...
(One more side note: who the hell knows if I'll actually follow through my words this time, but I figure reflecting upon oneself this late at night has to have some benefit, and admitting a problem is the first step towards repair, right? Also, I really quite detest how much I think about "mememe" lately, like I'm some kind of anomaly. -_- You're just a teenager, Amelia! Get over yourself!)