Everything and Nothing At All

One of my best friends wrote something interesting in my Yearbook at the end of this school year. He started with: "Amelia, what can I say about you?~ Everything and Nothing At All."

At first, I was confused by it, because I wasn't sure what he meant. Usually I'm the one who's spewing cryptic or poetic phrases to express how I feel. I was caught off guard. "What do you mean?" I asked him, but soon enough, I began to understand...

Then I did some thinking, and I noticed that "Everything and Nothing At All" was becoming a common theme throughout the discussions of our friend group. We were all feeling the same way, thinking the same things, without even realizing it.

We've been through a lot, good and bad, high and low. A lot has happened. A lot has been felt. This past year alone was a chaotic tumble of emotional, mental and physical closeness with all the people in my life.

And because of this, there is a steady silence within us. When so much has happened and so much has been felt, even the course of a year can feel like an eternity of memory and time. That is the origin of speechlessness. 
Ultimately, words fail to conjure up a proper conclusion about the power and passion of living. (As a writer, I find this most unsettling, but it is the truth.)

So when so much has happened, and so much has been felt, what can we do? What can we say? We could say Everything, because we're feeling Everything pretty damn strongly, all the time! Or, we could say Nothing, because Nothing At All is what sits behind our eyes, waiting to be seen, not heard. Nothing At All is replaced by a gentle touch or a kiss or a hug. 
It is the weighty silence of an eternity of emotion and entity, wrapped into a slightly more comprehensible period of time.

When I think back on this past year, I wonder: "What should I say? What should I do?"

So much has happened. So much has been felt.

So... What can I say about my senior year of high school?

Everything, and Nothing At All.


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