Desiderium - noun - an ardent longing, as for something lost. You know that feeling? That epic black hole in the pit of your stomach that's weighing you down, making you feel small and helpless and perhaps even abandoned? I know that feeling, in small doses like painfully bitter medicine, but I do. It's not as sharp and clear as one would think it to be... It's more large and round and heavy and smooth, like a large stone one carries in their palm with a cooling sensation of hope. The longing, the yearning, pure desideria... It appears to be a part of life, that feeling. It comes and goes, with unimaginable amounts of other emotions and sensations that prickle the skin and knot the stomach. What I feel right now isn't exactly the wild, oddly unknown desiderium, but the fear of it. What I feel is the fear of a child clinging so tightly to their innocence and precious thoughts and magical worlds, and the idea of losing all of it just seems so terrible. ...
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